comeinandruinme

Phone Calls I’ll Make When We Finally Do Away With Distance

Hey. Come over.
Let me pick your brilliant mind
about all the wonderful things I know you know.
Let’s go everywhere and teach each other so much.
I love marvelling at you.

Hey. Come over.
Then let’s get in the car and drive for years and light years.
I want to sing along to those songs with you
and find a new city.
We’ll come home when we’re ready
but let’s travel our hearts out first.
I want to fill the whole galaxy with moments of me and you.

Hey. Come over.
Sit outside and smoke with me.
Your cigarettes smell like coming back
to a place I’ve never been
and I want to be there
when I read you poetry.
I think you’ll feel its heartbeat.

Hey. Come over.
I like making you laugh and
you think I’m the good kind of ridiculous,
I think.
I’ve been meaning to watch this one movie
and if you’ve seen it already maybe you’ll want to again
and if you haven’t maybe you’ll want to
You’re going to kill me over glitter but that’s okay.

Hey. Come over.
Can we go ice skating again?
I miss that. I miss you.

Hey. Come over.
The dangerous bitch in me
likes the evil bastard in you.
Let’s make coffee and secret plans.
Let’s terrify people with our grins.

Hey. Come over.
I keep promising we’ll watch Star Wars
and getting caught up in the everything of the world.
Let’s watch all eight in a row. For real, this time.

Hey. Come over.
Did you know that you make me want to pull out
all my childhood stuffed animals, just so you can see?
I want you to laugh as I try to remember all their names.
Some of them need new ones.
Got any ideas?

Hey. Come over.
Remember when everything was hell
but we were so determined to survive
by standing together?
I want to stand with you again.

Hey. Come over.
I just bought this pack of markers, see,
and it’s got all sorts of extra colors.
Let me shade you in silver and blue
while you tell me all about the places you’ve been.
I’ll sketch them for you. With my teeth.

Hey. Come over.
We both thought we were out of each other’s league, remember that?
I dyed your forearms blue when I fell asleep, remember that?
I’m always going to be a little bit in love with you.
Remember that.

Hey. Come over.
I think I spent every day of that semester
trying to get back to how powerful I felt on that beach.
I want to rule the world with you,
and maybe kiss a little.

Hey. Come over.
Home is where the friends are too far away
So I’ll see you when I see you, I guess.
But if you get the chance,
I’ll leave the door unlocked.
Come over?

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spontaneousmusicalnumber

sylvanas-girlkisser

Hi consider this your blessing from a certified forever GM, to please make your TTRPG characters Mary Sues.

Listen if you spend enough time in the hobby you will inevitably get people turning up their nose, saying you need to make your PCs “realistic”. These people are wrong! Especially when it comes to DnD. There’s nothing wrong with tropes but after a while all the human fighters who used to be in the army, and elf wizard trying to live up their family legacy start to blur together.

The same cannot be said for the diamond-skinned demi-goddess cleric who started her prayers with “Hey mom, it’s me”; the self-described “slutty pyromaniac” tiefling sorcerer; the ranger who wanted to domesticate an army of rats and declare herself “queen of the sewers”; or the slightly macabre mushroom druid who became a sheepgirl while trying to cast “trans your gender”.

mylordshesacactus

There is literally only one hard-and-fast rule in D&D character creation, which is one of basic courtesy to the DM and others–you have to create a character who, for literally any reason at all, would join an adventuring party.

(Like I said, this is basic courtesy; nothing is worse than the player who, when the DM introduces a plot hook, responds with “but why would MY character care? why would I get involved in this monster attack? MY character would just let the town guard handle it!”

The answer to “but why would my character want to get involved?” is “Because you’re not the only player at the table, and you’re not the main character in a novel.” Pulling the session to a grinding halt around your character’s…lack of interest in the entire game….is rude and unfair. This is a team-based game, and an understood rule of conduct is that you are going to be playing a character who will–reluctantly perhaps, warily certainly, out of fear or self-interest by all means, but will nevertheless–join forces with the rest of the group and have some form of engagement with the plot)

And get this.

The vast majority of players snottily talking down to the actually interesting and engaging character concepts for not being “realistic” enough? They violate that one rule all the fucking time. A lone-wolf jaded rogue sitting by themself in the corner might be “realistic,” but if they keep no-selling plot hooks and refusing to engage with the plot because “it would be out of character”, then they’re not a good character for D&D and their players should have made a better one.

Literally the only law of character creation is to make a character who will in some way, shape, or form engage with the fucking story.

Make characters who are INTERESTING and ENGAGING and FUN TO PLAY and yes, don’t let assholes ruin your fun, but also: You are probably objectively better at this than they are and you deserve to keep that in mind.

NEVER take character criticism from people who only have one rule they’re expected to follow and still can’t figure it out.